we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
