i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
