I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
