Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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