Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
