everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
