Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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