I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize