Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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