Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize