my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize