dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
