apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
