I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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