..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
