this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize