lets start a swedish sibling band together
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
