It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
