i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
