Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
