The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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