so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
