Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
