Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
