Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
