is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
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