Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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