Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
