Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
