"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
