I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
