She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
