Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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