If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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