dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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