This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
