So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
