Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
