forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
