i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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