Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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