My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
