can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
