I want to stick my p in your. b.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This is the high leading the old right now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
