mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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