i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to sanitize my soul.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
