she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
