are you still at the devil's house?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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