Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Text me some of your sweat
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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