no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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