just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Is it penis luge time yet?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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