Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
