The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
