Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
