Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
