You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
