The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
