Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
