Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
