is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
