so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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