Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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