He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
