even my farts smell like vagina
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
