WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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