I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
