grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
